Movie Reviews - Really Bad Films

The worst of the alphabetical order:

To see my list of Good films, click here.

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
The first Ace Ventura movie is watchable, but this one's terrible!

Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold
When you can see ropes holding up falling stuntmen that don't even look like the actors, you know it's a tad low-budget!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Pure CHEESE! Together, they make pizza.

I either slept through the ending, or I just didn't get it.

Beverly Hills Cop 3
From my favourites list to my cruddy list...What happened Eddie?!

Billy Madison
I couldn't wait for this one to end. But Adam's next movie, Happy Gilmore, was very funny -- I guess that makes up for it.

Cannibal Girls
Bite me, this sucks!

Friday the 13th -- take your pick
Like the Energizer Bunny - say it with me now - He keeps going, and going, and going...

Gimme an "F"
...and a spoon to gag me with.

Iron Eagle II
The first one is just a little preposterous.... but this one is unbelievably stupid!

Jaws: The Revenge
You can bet Spielberg didn't direct this one... and it shows. Just terrible. No matter how many times they kill it, that shark just doesn't die!

Journey to the Center of the Earth
Not the original (that one is okay), but the 1989 remake -- if you can call it a remake. There is no Jules Verne here.

Just One of the Girls
An extremely lowbrow teen flick. Why the heck did I watch this anyway?

Killer Tomatoes Strike Back
Could the original be any worse? Yep!

King Solomon's Mines
Not the 1937 original, or the 1950's remake (both of which are considered excellent), but a terrible 1985 rendition. And guess what! It's another Allan Quatermain movie!

Nice soundtrack, silly film. It's way too predictable and not very creative (and no, stupidity doesn't count as creativity!)

The Last Picture Show
I don't care what anyone says -- it's boring and I feel for none of the characters. I hate dreary, depressing movies.

Leonard Part 6
Thank God there are no parts 1 through 5.

A water-logged Alien imitation. So why not just rent Alien?

Life Stinks
...And I'm sorry to say it Mel, but so does the ending to this movie! It has its moments, but as a whole it's not that great.

I love ya Staci, but your film debut should have been in a better movie. It's a little too predictable for a suspense thriller.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park
The first Jurassic Park movie was enjoyable (despite the fact it lacked in plot), but this film was a monstrous bore. Too predictable to be a thriller and too lame to be a drama - but the stupidity of the characters was funny, so I guess it was a comedy.

Mac and Me
An E.T. rip-off... but a really bad one. Anyone have an urge to go to McDonald's and drink Coke after seeing this film?

This 1987 waste of celluloid was an attempt at slapstick revival -- it didn't work.

Mars Attacks!
Mars visits Earth and the only good thing they do is employ a couple of hundred special effects artists. Note: I did not mention they employed screenwriters...

Maximum Overdrive
A hopeless "moron movie" with little or no plot. Actually based on a Stephen King short story and directed by King himself -- what was he thinking?

Meatballs Part II, III & 4
The first one was fine, so why did they have to drag it through the mud with these three sequels?

Meet the Applegates
Giant insects disguised as people while attempting to take over the world. This movie really bugs me.

A lame and implausible sci-fi action flick with little reason to watch it.

National Lampoon's Class Reunion
A class of misfits returns to their school for a 10 year reunion, and they're slowly being killed off by a fellow psychopathic classmate. I find myself rooting for the killer. Wait a minute, was this a comedy? I missed that.

Nice Girls Don't Explode
...but they do make bombs!

Night of the Creeps
Was this movie a joke? Even if it was, it wasn't very funny.

Pet Sematary Two
Why do the characters in horror films always do the stupidest things? Well, common sense just takes a beating in this one. You'll sit there saying "No! Don't do that you idiot!" throughout the whole movie.

Plan 9 from Outer Space
Ed Wood was the best at making the worst movies! Actually, this film ends up being quite unintentionally funny.

Poltergeist III
Yet another candidate for the "why are horror film characters so dumb?" award.

Predator 2
This sequel to the action-packed Predator lacks in plot and creativity (and Arnold).

Pure Luck
Bad luck if you ask me. This movie isn't funny in the slightest.

The Quest
A 1996 Jean-Claude Van Damme action flick. Jean-Claude? What happened?! This film is terrible!

This and Ishtar must top the video rental stores' least rented list.

Second Sight
This unfunny turkey doesn't deserve a second look.

A disappointing sci-fi that had the potential of being so much more. At least it prompted the awesome TV series Stargate SG-1

Steel Dawn
A boring sci-fi with Patrick Swayze as a post-apocalyptic, martial arts warrior.

Stephen King's Graveyard Shift
Another moronic horror flick where all the characters do the stupidest things.

Street Knight
It was so predictable we decided to turn it off and just guess how it ended.

The Stuff
You'll get your just desserts if you watch this flick.

Tango & Cash
The beginning is quite promising, but the last half is just terrible! It turns from action to cheese.

They Live
The beginning of the movie is fun, but it dies horribly near the end -- with one of those "cliffhanger" endings... but of course, with no sequel, that really sucks!

A disappointing movie from the usually funny Robin Williams.

Transylvania 6-5000
A wrong number about two bumbling reporters sent to Transylvania to investigate a Frankenstein sighting.

Trapped in Paradise
Aimless and unfunny movie about a bank robbery and a botched getaway. Most of this film was actually shot about 10 minutes from here, in Niagara on the Lake.

There are so many dumb scenes in this movie that it's impossible to sit through it without laughing at the absurdity. It's a typical horror film with no plot and plenty of "why did she do that?" scenes.

Walk Like a Man
A terribly stupid attempt at, uh, comedy? Major disappointment from funny-man Howie Mandel.

Weird Science
Sure... I'll just feed magazine pictures and a Barbie doll into my computer, and come out with Kelly LeBrock! Happens everyday, right? Give me a break!

Wheels of Terror
Another unwatchable horror movie with unbelievably stupid victims. Why not just run the guy off the road? She has a bus, he has a rusty old sports car... do the math!

Where the Buffalo Roam
A horrendous disappointment from Bill Murray.

Yor: The Hunter from the Future
A cast of no one I've ever heard of... and probably will never hear about again. Just plain terrible.

Zap me with a cattle-prod to keep me awake during this one.

Zapped Again!
You've heard the saying "why try to improve on perfection"? Well, that doesn't apply here! More like "why rehash mediocrity".

To see my list of Good films, click here.

All content is copyrighted by Jeff Godin